Sunday, February 1, 2015

As A 16-Year-Old-Girl I Fear...

When I was younger I decided that as I grow older I want two children. A girl and a boy. As I then grew older I started to feel like it's maybe not such a great idea to bring children into this world.

I learnt about rape, inequality, racism, terrorism... etc. The list goes on. To a 16-soon-to-be-17-year-old-girl this world doesn't always look so bright. You think "oh but it won't happen here, it's far away from here" but then you hear about how a crazy man tries to bomb his ex-girlfriend 200 km from where you live. And it's suddenly real.

I recently read an article stating that most women are killed by a man they've had a close relationship with in Finland. That makes a 16-year-old-girl extremely worried because the fact that it's partly dangerous to be a woman in Finland, in FINLAND - that boring country where nothing happens, is strange. I could date a guy one day and be killed the next.

While our society is going forward, I feel like we're also going backwards. Because it is 2015 and a girl still have to pay more for a deodorant than a man has to pay. Because it is 2015 and some people still use "gay" as an insult. Because it is 2015 and you still can't love whoever. Because it is 2015 and people are still being killed for what they believe in. Because it is 2015 and you still can't be who you truly are. And because it is 2015 and people are still fighting to stay alive.

I've come to the point in my life when I don't want to bring a girl into this world, in fear that when she grows up she still doesn't earn as much as a man. In fear that she'll be scared for her life if she's out in the dark. And in fear that she'll one day come to me and tell me that a group of guys screamed harrassing things at her and she's now scared to go out, in case she'll see those guys again.

I've come to the point in my life when I don't want to bring a boy into this world, in fear I'll have to one day send him to war. In fear that he'll be told "oh man up" when he sheds a tear. In fear he'll see his best friend punch a girl. And in fear he'll come home one day and tell me that he was with his guy friends and they screamed harrassing things at a girl. And in fear, though it probably wouldn't happen, I'll have to send him to jail for rape. 

I also fear that my children would be sensitive, the way I am sensitive. I fear that they would grow to have depression and not tell me, in fear that I'll just say "oh, it'll just pass". I fear that they'll cry at 3am because of a test the next day and that they won't tell me about the panic attacks they've been having in fear that I'll just pass it off as "just some nervousness".

Most of all, I fear that they'll have to grow up in a society that kills people, rapes people, harrasses people, and gets away with it. I fear that they'll have to see on the news that two countries are fighting and that it might lead to another World War. I fear that they'll have to see this world fall apart, and then realize that they are the generation to build it up.

Because, as a 16-year-old-girl, seeing people kill and getting away with it, and seeing people raping and harrassing and still get away with it sucks. Because one day I could be raped, and my rapist would get away with it. And as a 16-year-old-girl, I watch my back when walking in the dark, in fear that a man would be following me. And I take a deep breath before passing a bigger crowd of guys, in fear that they'll scream harrassing things to me. And I see how my friends love someone and getting judged for it, because it's not IDEAL. And I see how a group of people stares at a black man in disgust, and I just want to punch the shit out of them. And I see how I have to pay more for a product than a man has to pay for a product that does the same thing. And as a 16-year-old-girl, it sucks.

*this was a different kind of blogpost but I had all these feelings inside of me that I had to get out and while I've nowhere near touched on all the things happening, I hope I can find someone who feels the same way as me*

1 comment:

  1. I have fears too. You're not the only one, so don't feel alone. We live in two different places but the issues that are going on is similar. A lot of people feel the same, but maybe they are afraid to show it. So for you to write this post is important. It's like you're a voice for people who can't or don't want to speak.