Sunday, March 22, 2015

I want so much

Oh hi!

First of all, I'm writing this on my phone so it'll look different.*
Second of all, I wrote this post already once and then I just went to get my "xoxo Maddie" sign I put in every blogpost and the post was gone. I am pissed.
Third, I don't know what I said in that post. So now this post won't be as good. I'm cursing inside.

So, if you've read my blog for a while you know that I've never been gone for this long. I'm stuck in the worst writer's block I've ever had. I can't even write essays for school. 

I want so much. I want to inspire and I want to change the world. And I'm stuck in this small town in Finland not doing ANYTHING. I don't have any ideas, or then I have ideas and I don't feel like writing. I'm stuck.

My question is: is anyone listening? Or am I writing to a black hole? I see the numbers. "20 people have visited this blog today" but I don't see it. I don't get any comments and I feel like I'm writing into a big black hole. My blogposts just disappear into the world of blogposts. Nothing important here. And I want so much, I want to change the world. And I can't. Because I'm stuck.

I write for myself, but I also write for you. I write to maybe change your view or to make you feel like you're not alone. But then I feel so alone. I feel so empty. 
You see, I actually want to make money out of writing. I love writing, I want to one day write a book or many books. I want to do the things I love, and I wish to make money from that. As horrible as that might sound, I don't want to have 7am-4pm workdays. I want to be my own boss. I want to write for the world and change the world. And I'm stuck. Is anyone listening?

I guess I'm having a crisis. What do I do when I want so much? I don't know where to start. I want to write about important things like feminism, depression and war. I want to write about beauty and fashion. And right now, I'm not doing any of that.

So my question to the few people who read my blog is: what do you enjoy reading about? What do you want me to write about? What are your favorite posts of mine?
Please answer those questions, because again; I am stuck.
(I can however enlighten you and tell you that I'll have a vlog coming your way sometime this week as I met two of my favorite youtubers!)

*I have since edited this