Thursday, August 19, 2021

And Then, She Finished a Bachelors Degree

Hi there... Hello...

Long time no talk... At least on this platform! If you follow me on twitter or instagram you've heard plenty from me, but on this side of the internet it's been dead quiet... Sorry about that. So, I guess I should re-introduce myself. Hi, my name is Maddie, I'm twenty-three years old and I have just finished a Bachelors degree in Creative Writing. Wow. And somehow, as if I'm not absolutely exhausted by academia, I'm moving on to a Master. I am now a published poet (I know! I am as shocked as you are!) and I have spent three years living in two countries at once (basically, anyways).

I'm not going to lie, this feels really awkward. Is there anyone who will read what I have to say? Is it time I let this blog die a peaceful death and stop paying for the domain? I am too sentimental to let this blog die, I am a serial hoarder, of physical and cloud stuff. So I think I will pay for this domain til the end of time, just to keep the memories alive. But, I do want to try to make the money worth it. So if you're reading this, hi, thank you, I can't promise you I'll be here often, but this blog will be here for you and for me.

Having now survived three years of a Creative Writing degree, I should be good with words, right? I think I am, but I'm quite ashamed to say I haven't written a single piece of creative writing this summer. My brain sort of shut off and said, "Poetry? I don't know her," and I went with it. I've been trying to recharge and just cuddle my dog. Please, blog-verse, meet Jupiter;

We have a lot to catch up on, but it's best we take one thing at a time. So for now, let's talk about university - the ups, the downs, the p-word (pandemic), deadlines, and how I ultimately, somehow, am graduating with a First.

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly time goes by. Scientifically, I guess this can be explained by how when we age we have lived longer which means it feels as if time goes faster yadiyadiyada. Three years ago, I was packing my life into six suitcases and waiting for that day when I would be moving to another country. And today, I'm back in my childhood home for three more weeks, before I attend graduation and continue my education. When I look back at this time, it feels really strange. Because this dream I had, to move to the UK, became a reality, and sometimes, reality really sucks. I don't mean that I hate living in England, but rather that I often forget that I am living 18-year-old-Maddie's dream. I have had many pinch-me moments, but those mostly happen when I am doing something regular, mundane, like grocery shopping. I've found myself walking home from Sainsbury's, sweating, carrying too much stuff in one giant re-usable Minnie Mouse shopping bag, and just suddenly realising, "Oh wait. I am an adult. I am studying in England. I'm living in England. I get to do all this cool adult stuff. I'm speaking English all the time." It sounds stupid, but that reality is what has kept me going for three years.

It's been hard at times. Deadline season is basically just burn out waiting to happen. I've had to request extensions on (almost) every deadline. I've changed antidepressants twice. I've cried alone in student halls over boys, deadlines, girls, money, bad nights out, having to cook, wanting takeout, missing someone. The list is long, and if I kept going you would stop reading. So I won't, but you get the picture I'm trying to paint. There's been a lot of tears, frustration, heart break, money problems, lack of motivation, and so many deadlines and words written. I've experienced impostor syndrome for three years straight. Even when I got my first poem accepted for publication, I doubted myself, thinking, "I'm sure it's not actually good, they just feel like they have to take it." I put so much pressure on myself to be perfect, to do the absolute best, and though it has obviously paid off, every time I handed in a deadline, I thought to myself, "well, that was shit." So, sometimes I wonder, at what cost am I graduating with a First? I am insanely proud of myself, I'm amazed, astonished, and so impressed that I managed to finish university and finish on such a high note. But it wasn't without struggling through it. (Stay tuned for the reveal of the century where Maddie figures out she has undiagnosed ADHD and that is why she's struggling so much!)

Then came the pandemic. Which, we can't really ignore. I did a year and a half of my degree online, struggling to focus on my lecturers, struggling to find motivation and inspiration, struggling through online learning curves. I spent seven weeks alone in a four-bedroom house at the start of the first lockdown, and those weeks are a blur because I choose not to remember them. I did a lot of singing, a lot of cooking and ordering food, I did one walk a day (but not everyday, because um, I was depressed), and the guy working at the Tesco express around the corner from my house was the only person I saw on a regular basis.

Living in two countries hasn't been easy since Covid-19 hit the market (I have to make jokes or else we'll all cry). Travelling is an absolute pain. So I've spent more time than I would like to admit at home in Finland. I was stuck here from November 2020 to February 2021, because of some testing complications (read: I was meant to fly back to England in January, my negative test wasn't accepted, I had to move my flight to February so that I could afford to pay for another test for that flight). I think it's safe to say that we'll all need counselling for the effects this pandemic has had on our mental health.

That's enough of that. Through it all, I've made some amazing friends. I've met some of the best lecturers on the planet (I'm biased, yes) who are so passionate about what they teach, and I've learnt a whole lot of stuff. I'm happy that I've been able to live in a country and city that truly feels like home, and I'm even happier that I have another full year of guaranteed living there. After that, the future is uncertain, but I'm hoping I will be able to continue living in England. For now, I need to attend graduation in one of those snazzy graduation robes, and I need to start my Masters degree. Though it's a new chapter, with new people, it doesn't feel like that, since I'm going back to the same University (different campus though), living in the same student halls and stressing over the same problems for another year. I'm excited to keep having realisations in the ice cream aisle at big Sainsbury's, and hopeful that I'll get to experience some on-campus teaching this year. It's been a lot, these three years, but that's okay.

Read my published poems:

Monday, March 4, 2019

Today I'm Angry

Today I'm angry. 

Angry at the people who made me like this, angry at the people who bullied me, who sexually harassed, sexually assaulted me into this person. I'm angry at the people who did all those things to me and got away with it.
I'm angry because I'm the only one who feels the repercussions of bullying, while they can go on living their lives as if they didn't ruin a person for life.
I'm angry because I don't like to admit that I'm angry very often, so the anger builds up until I'm reminded of how much they truly broke me.
I'm angry because I don't want to let them win, but me being angry means that right now they are winning. 
I'm angry because I want them to know how much they hurt me, but I'm angry because they will never know. 
I'm angry because they almost killed me with their words and thought nothing of it. 
I'm angry because they did these things to me, and they don't remember what they did. 
I'm angry because I remember and they've never given it a second thought. 
I'm angry because I want them to be hurting, not me. 
I'm angry because for once I would love to not be messed up because of other people, but instead I'm a mess because of what they did to me. 
I'm angry because no adult stepped in and actually cared, but instead let the bullies get away with what they were doing. I'm angry because adults played it down, and gave the boys an excuse for doing what they did to me. I'm angry because a hand shake and a forced "I'm sorry" doesn't fix anything, but instead shows the bully that they can keep doing what they're doing because they get away with it. 
I'm angry because their parents failed at their jobs to raise their kids, and instead made demons dressed up as humans. I'm angry because their parents will always praise their kids, not knowing that their kids broke another kid.
I'm angry because I have to let myself be angry, otherwise I might break a wall or a window or another human's face. 
I'm angry because I want the people to know what they did to me, and I'm angry because they didn't care and never will.
I'm angry because they were so reckless with another person's life and didn't stop to think that what they were doing is wrong. 
I'm angry because they're stuck in my head as these horrible demons, and they will never be able to become anything else.
I'm angry because they've been able to move on from what they did and maybe become better people, but I'm angry because they will never truly apologise to me.
I'm angry because every once in a while I'm reminded by these people and their actions, and I'm reminded by how truly horrible they were. I'm angry because to me they will never cease to be these people, no matter what good they might do in their lives. And I'm angry so that I can keep going, because anger means I'm still fighting.

This blogpost is brought to you by anger, as today I was reminded of how deep my scars truly go. I'm scarred in ways I didn't think was possible, just because of actions that children and teenagers made when we were all children and teenagers. I've had therapy for years because of what these people did to me, but every once in a while something new pops up and I'm sent into this cycle again. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. Who knows how long it will take this time to get to acceptance?

So, whatever you do, be kind to the people around you. You cannot know how deeply you can damage someone by saying a simple word or doing a simple action. Every action has a consequence, but sometimes you won't feel that consequence, only the person on the other end of the action will feel it. So be kind. Be kind. Be kind. And if you see someone being not so kind, stand up to them. Because they need to know that this is not okay, and they are not allowed to drive people insane by saying and doing horrible things.

Youtube | Twitter | Instagram | Snapchat: itsmaddiehbu

Also, just a heads up that my twitter is locked at the moment and I'm waiting for it to be unlocked again. In the meantime I'm mostly active on Snapchat and Instagram so find me over there!

Friday, February 1, 2019

How do You Pack up Your Life And Move to Another Country?

Oh hi,

Hello, hi, hey, hola. It's me again. Yes, I am doing my bi-yearly blogpost, now that it's been another half a year since I last posted anything. Oh actually, it's been 10 months. Oops. I got a bit busy moving countries, and handling change happening everywhere.

Question: how do you pack up your life and move to another country? 

Answer: with a lot of panic and uncertainty.

Would I have enough money? Is it worth all the debt I'll be in after graduating? Would I make new friends? Would I miss home? Would I feel like I belong? 

To answer past-Maddie's questions: I'm surviving, usually I end up texting my parents at the end of the month asking for money for buses or pasta.  Can't say yet if the loans are worth it. Oh yes, I have made some amazing friends. Yes, yes I miss home, but mostly my dog. But do I belong? Do I really belong? In my own little world that I've made for myself, yes. And that's really all that matters.

If you want to talk logistics, I would not recommend moving countries with six suitcases. Turns out that it's quite difficult to drag your parents, and six suitcases, around Gatwick, Reading and Bath. Oh well. Also, if you'll be living in a tiny room in student halls, you'll have stuff everywhere. But, I have enough clothes and enough stuff to make me happy. So I guess it was worth it.

Another question I should answer is why? Why did I move? Most of you reading will know that I've started University here. I'm studying Creative Writing at Bath Spa University (please, I don't want any stalkers), currently in the middle of deadlines. A thousand words here, three thousand words there. A draft over there, a finished piece of writing right here. Words, words, words. Everywhere. 
But, getting into University isn't the only reason why I moved. Because why apply to a University in another country if you don't want to move? Truth is, I had felt trapped for a long time. Trapped in a version of myself that I was forced into. Trapped in a place, in a country, I didn't want to be in. So, I had to get out. And I did. I don't feel trapped anymore, because here, in a new country with new people, I can be 100% myself. I can say what I want to say, without feeling like someone will judge me. I can do what I want to do without feeling like I'm doing something wrong. I can be myself. And I'm finally beginning to accept who I am and what I've been through. I'm turning twenty-one this year, so I think it's time that I finally live my life for me, and live my truth. And that's what I'm doing here, with new amazing friends, and in a beautiful city.

When I first started University, I went out a lot. Did some partying, did some kissing, did some more drinking, did some watching other people smoke, did some dancing, and then reality hit us all. Or, should I say, University hit us. Hard. For a while I forgot what free time was, I forgot what I enjoyed doing during my free time, and if I did have free time I spent it with my flatmates or friends. Because sitting in my room on my laptop felt like wasting time. So I stopped wasting time. And now, here I am at 11pm, writing a blogpost, wasting time. But it's good time to waste, and maybe it's not wasted.
I've got my free time back after Christmas break, trying to remember to not hate myself when I'm not doing Uni work. Sometimes succeeding, mostly feeling like a waste. It's okay. It's been worse.

So. Question: how do you pack up your life and move to another country?

Answer: With hope, knowing that I'm living for myself now.

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Saturday, April 14, 2018

I'm Still Alive (Life Update)

Oh Hi!

Long time no talk. I would love to just pretend like it hasn't been half a year since I last posted but I promised myself that my blog would be an honest space so here we are. Where have I been and why have I been gone?
If you follow me on social media you'll know that I didn't actually disappear, I just did the thing I do almost every single time I start posting blogposts regularly; I stop posting. Every time it's a different reason, either I don't have motivation or inspiration, I'm too busy or I get depressed. This time it was the latter.
Last time I posted a blogpost I shared how I was feeling like I was relapsing into depression. I was in a really shitty situation, wanting so badly to move to England but not being able to do it and therefore I felt trapped. You'd think I was used to feeling trapped as that's what I've been feeling since I was 10 years old, but alas, this was a new kind of trapped. I had actually tried to get out, but failed. And that caused me to feel absolutely horrible. On top of that almost all of my friends had started University somewhere else and I was stuck here. It was like pouring salt in the wounds.

Nothing much has changed, except circumstances, and it's once again proof to me that it does get better. In October I started looking at going to University in England and I found Bath Spa University, which offers lots of creative art courses. I was set on applying for Creative arts, where you combine two subjects, and I was planning on combining Art and Creative Writing. 
In November mom, dad and I went to England for a week and during that week we went to Bath, so that I could go to one of the open days they were having at Bath Spa Uni. I went to listen to the presentation for Creative Writing and hearing how many different types of writing you get to try while taking that course I decided that I only wanted to take Creative Writing so that I would actually get to try all the different kinds of writing (when you combine two subjects you take half of one and half of the other, therefore not getting to take everything you might want to take). So I started my application for Creative Writing, and boy was it stressful. Knowing that I'm applying alone while others are applying while they're still in school, and therefore getting help from their teachers, really put pressure on me. But if I put my mind to something I do it. I had my friends read through my personal statement multiple times, and my friend Tasha, who is from England and started Uni in September, proof-read it and sent me suggestions to make it better. God bless my friends.

Soooo you can guess where this is going. I GOT ACCEPTED. The application deadline was on the 15th of January and I sent in my application on the 13th, so truly showing how late I will submit everything. On the 15th of January I got an email from bath Spa University asking me to submit a sample of my creative writing under the headline "The Tools of The Trade". The deadline for that was on the 5th of February. So I had roughly 2 weeks to write the greatest creative writing piece I had ever written. I submitted that on the 4th of February (again, showing how late I will submit everything) and got a reply on the 5th saying that it had been forwarded to the course leader. Then it was silent for about 2 week, until the 2oth of February when I got an email asking me to send in photocopies of my matriculation examination results etc. That week was a pretty busy week for me so I sent those in on the 23rd of February (a Friday). On Monday the 26th of February I got an email telling me I got an unconditional offer from Bath Spa University. I bawled my eyes out, walked around the whole house shaking, calling mom, calling dad, texting friends, calling friends. It was a great day.

Now from the 26th of February I've been in the process of getting ready to go to University in September. I've accepted my offer, applied for student loans from England, applied for student benefit, housing benefit and student loans from Finland, applied for priority for halls of residence and been accepted for priority for halls of residence. And last week I sent in my preferences for student housing. So now I'm just sat around waiting to get the replies about the student loans (which can take awhile). Once I get those replies I'll have to wait until August to find out where I'm going to be living. So currently I'm practicing my waiting game.

I'm moving to England in September and I'm so unbelievably excited. This has been my dream since I knew England was a country. And on top of that I'm going to a University I really want to go to and I'm going to study something I actually want to do in the future. My life has taken a turn for the better.

As I wrote, this serves as a reminder to me that when I get down, I will feel better again. Life changes, circumstances change and you can make your life into your life. I always get back up.
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Saturday, October 7, 2017

Sharing the Downhill

I can feel myself slipping. Losing grip of life. I don't know how I got here again. It might just be a bump in the road, but right now it feels like I've gone back to square one. Back to that empty feeling and the silent tears.
As a person who's been depressed, and gotten better, my biggest fear is always to relapse. To somehow end up in the same place I was before. And I'm scared to admit that I might be slowly on my way there. And I don't want to, but it's hard when I don't even really understand or know where this feeling of sudden emptiness and indifference is coming from. It's a bump in the road to not be able to find an apartment in England, and it's a bump in the road to be in a vicious cycle that is called "you have to have a full time job to be able to get an apartment". It's just a bump in the road, so why am I feeling like I've gone back to square one? Stuck, once again.
I'm only seeing the 4 same people, over and over. My 3 family members, and my one friend. All other friends have gone off to university in other cities or other countries, and I didn't expect to be in this country anymore by September. But of course I'm here, and so I'm starting to feel very... Isolated. I love these 4 people, but after 13 years of seeing multiple different people 5 days a week, it's quite a change to just see 4 people, 3 of them every single day, and one of them maybe once or twice a week. It's getting horribly repetitive and I just feel so stuck.
On top of that, I'm also having very vivid dreams every single night. And in these dreams I'm hanging out with the people who caused me so much heartache. Every. single. night. The same people, different scenario. Different story being played out. And it's so tiring to go to sleep when I know I'll wake up disoriented and think "what the hell was that?". I'm aware I'm sounding insane. But I'm just being vulnerable.

I don't know what to do.

The England dream is slipping away, because every time I get in contact with an estate agency I get the same reply: I have to have a steady income to be able to rent through them, or I have to be able to pay 6 months' rent upfront, which I can't do because I don't have that much money. To get a steady income (aka a job) I have to be able to go to job interviews, and I can't fly back and forth to England all the time. And nobody wants to hire somebody who doesn't know when they'll be back in the country. So that means to get a job I have to live in England. But I can't live in England when I don't have a job. Humans really know how to put other, younger, humans in vicious cycles.

The thing is, I want to get out of here. And right now, every extra month I have to live here is torture. It might just be a month, or two, until I manage to move, but it feels like forever. Because I've wanted to get out of here since I was 13 years old. But here I am, 6 years later, feeling just as trapped as then, but in a completely different circumstance.

I wish the dreams would stop. I'm getting tired of being visited by demons every night. I'm not necessarily having nightmares, it's more just tiring dreams about things that happened, or didn't happen, and my brain trying to process them. I thought I had left these demons behind, at least a little bit, but they seem to keep wanting to pop up in my brain. So now I'm dreaming about them during the night, and because I dream about them, I then think about them during the day. And that's another vicious cycle, but that one I seem to have created myself.

Right now, I just want to leave everything and go. Go travel a little. Go figure out what I want to do with my life. But I can't, because all the money I have I need for England. Because of Brexit I really have to get into the country before March 2019, otherwise I would just put the England dream on hold and go travel for a while. But because of Brexit I can't, and I have to get into the country.

The worst thing about slipping, and relapsing (somewhat), is that I have absolutely no motivation to get better again. I don't want to talk to my parents, because I don't want them worrying about me (they worry anyways). And since my 3 year of free therapy ended, I don't have my therapist either. I'm still on anti-depressants, but they're not doing a lot for me right now, and the last thing I want is to up my dosage. So, it seems I'm on my own. At least for now.

I would love to write about how happy my life is, but since I shared my uphill, I thought I should share my downhill. Because life isn't picture-perfect, and sometimes you end up going down a really steep hill. And here comes the feeling of failure.

"I have my fair share of demons,
all come with different sets of
You'd think I might've seen
someone get killed.


I just saw heartbreak
and disgusting words
being thrown around
like nothing.

So in my head they live,
these demons
with their nightmares.

I just hope their counterparts
have nightmares too."

I leave you with that poem I wrote a few days ago.
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Have you seen my latest youtube video?

Forever 21 & ASOS Try-On Haul | ItsMaddiehbu

I want to state that I wrote this blogpost on a Saturday evening when I was feeling especially crappy. Mental health goes up and down, and I don't think mine will ever be on a constant high or constantly on a line. I think it's almost what I've come to expect. But I wanted to share this because it's real and I want my blog to be real and honest. And this is real and honest.
However I don't want anyone to worry about me, it's just, as I write, a bump in the road.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

New Camera, Who dis?

Oh Hi!

As I mentioned in my last blogpost, I had ordered my first DSLR camera and was waiting for it to arrive. Well guess what? It arrived!
The impatience I felt, as I charged up the battery was a whole new thing. I don't think I've ever been that impatient before. But while the battery charged I attempted to read the manual and I got about half way through it, before I decided that it was enough for one time. One day I will finish it though. However, I wanted to learn about the key features because I don't want to be one of those people who buys a 500€ camera and then only shoots using auto-mode, because in my opinion that's some serious waste of money.

I looked at many different cameras, mostly Canon and Nikon, before deciding on the Nikon D5300. I have to be honest and say that the reason I bought it was because of the reasonable price and the flip-screen. Many DSLR cameras that have a flip screen seemed to be too expensive, but this one was reasonably priced at 495,90€ for the body and the AF-P 18-55mm VR lens on DigitalRev. I originally ordered the Nikon D5300 with 18-55mm VR lens but there was some problem locating it so they asked me if I wanted to upgrade to the other lens without extra cost, and of course I said yes. Honestly, I don't know the difference between those lenses, but oh well.

So far, I'm really enjoying the camera. It's smaller than I thought it would be, but that's certainly not a negative thing. Because of the size of it it's easy to hold and I can imagine that it's going to be a lot easier to carry around for a longer period of time than if it would've been bigger. 
What I also enjoy about the camera is the Wi-Fi. I read a lot of reviews saying the Wi-Fi isn't very good, but I have nothing to compare it to. I like the fact that I could just download an app and then connect my phone to the camera, and voila I get all the pictures I take with my camera to my phone. I also like the fact that I can place my camera on a tripod or something, and then use the app to take pictures with the camera. And I can also use a timer so I press the button to take a picture and it waits a few seconds before taking the picture. That way if I have no one photographing me, I don't have to run to the camera back and forth, and can instead use my phone to take the photos. Also spares me having to buy a remote control for the camera.

One thing I don't like about the whole Wi-Fi thing is the fact that every time you shut of your camera the connection gets dropped. So every time you turn on the camera, if you want the Wi-Fi you have to turn it on and then connect your phone. And because I'm extremely lazy I don't like that I have to do that. But I guess it's something I'm going to have to live with.

Now I'll leave you with some test-shots I took yesterday, after the battery had been fully charged. I'd like to note that these pictures haven't been edited in any way, I've just resized them and added my logo. All photos were taken using the manual setting.

What do you think? Do you think I wasted a lot of money buying a DSLR camera or do you think it's a smart purchase? Do you own a DSLR camera? Let me know♥
Youtube | Twitter | Instagram | Snapchat: itsmaddiehbu

Have you seen my latest youtube video?

Forever 21 & ASOS Try-On Haul | ItsMaddiehbu

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Goals For The End of The Year

Oh hi!

This year is slowly coming to an end, and with only 3 months left of the year I decided it was time to reflect and to set up some goals that are within reach for the end of the year. Since most of these goals actually have to do with my online presence, I thought I would share them with you, and maybe you will want to set up your own goals for these last 3 months of 2017.
Now this is something I'm not 100% sure is in reach, but I will do my absolute best to get an apartment and move to England in November. I really hope it works out.

For 2017, one of my new year's resolutions was to read 15 books. It might not be a lot, but I haven't been reading a lot the past few years so I decided if I actually managed to read 15 books this year I would maybe get into reading books again. Well, I've read 9 books so far, so that leaves 2 a month now for the end of the year. And that's doable.

I've been stuck around the 1,080 mark for about 2 years. I hit 1,000 followers and then it just kind of stopped. So, before the end of the year I want to gain around 20 followers. While I can honestly say that I don't really care about followers, I will be honest and say that it's been annoying to be stuck on the same number for so long and since I want to grow my blog and my youtube, it's hard if I'm stuck on the same number on other social medias, because to grow your blog you have to grow your following (most of the time).
I'd love it if you hopped over to and click that "follow" button. And if you tweet me, I will of course follow back! And maybe we can be friends, who knows?

Similarly to Twitter, I've been stuck on the same number of followers for so long. I have 217 followers, and I've been around that follower count for about a year. So it would be nice if you went over to and clicked that "follow" button, and I will make sure to follow you back! It can be your early Christmas gift to me. Also, I'm going to start posting a lot more on there, so stay tuned for that!
Now I'll be the first to admit that I've been absolutely horrible at blogging the last few years. I've posted inconsistently and I don't want it that way anymore. While I'm not yet setting up a schedule and deciding to post on a certain day, I want to make sure that I post at least once a week. And once I manage to post once a week, I can then make a schedule for myself. But I know myself too well to say "I'll post every Wednesday and Saturday", because I know I'll fail if I do that. So, I'm keeping it casual, but willing myself to post at least once a week.
I've also ordered a DSLR camera and with that I hope to get better pictures for my blog (and Instagram).
If I've been horrible at blogging, my Youtube channel has suffered even more. I want to start filming more for my Youtube channel and I want to find a love for doing it again. And with a new camera (and a tripod!!) on their way to my house as we speak, the quality will also be a lot better. And I can finally start filming things my current camera hasn't allowed me to film. So, stay tuned for that!

I want to part-take in bloggers chats, BUT I JUST FORGET THAT THEY'RE HAPPENING. I need to make some kind of list of all the bloggers chats, and put it up right in front of my laptop so I see it at all times, then maybe I'll remember. So, if you know of a bloggers chat, tweet me at what time it happens so I can join in!

I think when the colder months come, many of us just give up on staying active, because we don't need a "bikini body" during the colder months (also, Christmas chocolate!!). But I don't want to do that this year. I want to stay active and at least go for walks, if nothing else. I want to get back into a workout routine, because recently I've really been slacking off. So I want to be active, and stay active.
Sidenote: does any other glasses-wearers find it super difficult to work out? Say you decide to go for a run, if you don't wear your glasses you don't see a lot, but if you do wear your glasses they fog up. SEND HELP. (Yes, I know contact lenses exist and I use them every now and again.)

That's it, that's my goals for the end of the year! Will I manage to reach all goals? Probably not, but they're guidelines for what I want.
Do you have any goals for the end of the year, or are you waiting until New Year to set yourself some new goals?♥

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Have you seen my latest youtube video?

Forever 21 & ASOS Try-On Haul | ItsMaddiehbu

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Forever 21 & ASOS Try-On Haul + Links To Everything | ItsMaddiehbu

Oh hi!

I've recently not been feeling too happy, so I've done a lot of retail therapy to try and feel better. In Today's video I share everything I bought from Forever 21 and ASOS, and I try everything on.
In the end I actually didn't end up keeping a lot of the things I bought from ASOS, mainly because literally none of the trousers and only one pair of the jeans fit me. So I've only decided to keep the Levi's denim jacket, the black and pink jumper and the light-washed jeans that fit me. Since I also really loved the Noisy May jacket I've now ordered it in a size S and I'm hoping that will look a lot better. I've kept everything from Forever 21 except the jacket in size M as I kept size L.
Hope you enjoy this massive haul, and scroll down for links to everything!

Clothes Mentioned:

Forever 21:

Mock Neck bodysuit 6,99€ size M

Off-the-shoulder bodysuit 11€ size M

Caged Cutout bralette 7€ size M/L

Turtleneck top 11€ (I paid 6,99€) size M

Polar bear Christmas Jumper 11€ size L

Fair isle patterned leggings 7,48€ size M

Classic double-breasted coat 5,99€ M&L: SOLD OUT


ASOS Jumper with woven sleeves 13,51€ (I paid 16,89€) size UK 12

ASOS TALL Jumper With Volume Sleeve 18,92€ size UK 12

ASOS Jumper In Rib With D-Ring Stripe Sleeve Detail 20,27€ size UK 14

Club L Ribbed High Neck Long Sleeve Polo Dress 9,47€ size UK 14: SOLD OUT

Missguided Petite Embroidered A Line Denim Skirt 23,65€ size UK 12

ASOS FARLEIGH High Waist Slim Mom Jeans In Beech Light Stonewash with Busted Knees and Chewed Hems 23,65€ size W30L32

ASOS Denim Deconstructed Straight Leg Jeans in Black 30,40€ size W30L32

ASOS RIDLEY Skinny Jeans In Hibiscus Light Stonewash 18,92 size W30L32

Warehouse Ultra Skinny Jeans 23,65€ size UK 12 L32

Only Pearl High Waist Skinny Jeans 29,73€ size W30L34

Noisy May Lex Cargo Jacket with Patches 47,30€ (I paid 67,57€) size M

Levi's Authentic Embroidered Trucker with Sherpa Collar and Lining 175,67€ size M

ASOS The Slim Tailored Cigarette Trousers With Belt 33,78€ (I paid 23,65€) size UK 12 L34

ASOS Ankle Grazer Cigarette Trousers in Crepe 14,86€ (I paid 26,35€) size UK 12 L32

JDY Dolly Tie Waist Trousers 24,32€ size L

ASOS Satin Peg Trousers with Split Hem and Belt 14,86€ size UK 12

ASOS Trousers in Skinny Fit with Seam Detail 13,51€ (I paid 16,89€) size UK 12

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