Wednesday, June 10, 2015


Oh Hi!

Today my blog turns two. I've been blogging pretty solidly for two years now, that's mental!
Sadly I'm currently in a very deep writer's block where I have no inspiration, but today I wanted to talk about happiness. My happiness.

When I started this blog in 2013 I was actually very depressed. I had at the end of 2012 been a week in an emergency "treatment" place because of extreme stress and depression. So when I started this blog I can quite frankly say that I wasn't feeling my best. I hadn't been feeling my best for quite a few years actually.

So when I started this blog I went to talk to a special nurse every week and I took anti-depressants. 

Now, two years later I can say that I've found my happiness. With the help of therapy and anti-depressants I got out of that terrible darkness and I saw some light. I started understanding WHY some people did what they did and every time I go see my therapist I just realize what a happy place I'm in.

My depression came from the outside, from the people who were around me and from my experiences. When I understood how to handle these people and these experiences I started feeling better. I got more confident. And today, if someone were to say something rude I would look them straight in the eye and say "thank you" with a smile or just roll my eyes and continue my day. Whereas two years ago if someone said something rude I would pretend I was fine and that it didn't hurt and then I'd go home and cry. Ah, what a freeing feeling it is to not care anymore.

Maybe one day I'll go into the details about how I ended up in such a dark depressed place, but for now I want you to know that I found my happiness. I want you to know that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes it just takes someone else's eyes to see that light.

I see people online who are extremely depressed and in such dark places and I just want to do everything I can to let them know that there is happiness somewhere out there. Because you see, you're entitled to happiness. You're ALLOWED to be happy.

When you understand what you need to do to be happy and when you start reaching out to happiness wonderful things start to happen. Sometimes you just need someone's help to do that. And that's okay. It's okay to need help, it's actually a great step if you admit to yourself that you need help. Then you can take a deep breath and do what you need to do.

It hasn't been easy. But it's definitely worth it, because now I'm truly who I'm supposed to be. Now I'm happy and cheerful and bubbly and bright, and that's who I've always been deep inside. The darkness that I was feeling just pushed that person down, because whenever I was that person I got hurt. So my logic was: stop being happy and cheerful and bubbly and bright, you'll get hurt that way.
But now, the people who went through this with me smile and say that I'm a completely different person today than who I was two years ago. My friends see a happy girl and I don't think any of them even thought I had ever had depression before I told them. So that's that.

I don't really know what the meaning of this blogpost is, but I feel like I'm claiming my happiness. I feel like I'm standing at the top of a mountain, facing the people and experiences that put me in that dark place, staring them right in the eye and saying "I'm happy, and there's nothing you can do about it" and it's an absolute victory.

I want to finish with adding a song here, "Superheroes" by The Script. I'm a superhero, we're all superheroes. Stand tall, I believe in you♥

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Online thing that helped me with my depression:

The Quiet Place 

The guy who made the quiet place also created 90 Seconds relaxation exercise, The Thoughts Room, The Dawn Room and The Comfort spot, all great for relaxing and getting your thoughts out. They are all listed at the bottom of the site! (The Dawn Room and The Thoughts Room are my personal favorites!)

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