I want so much

Oh hi!

First of all, I'm writing this on my phone so it'll look different.*

Second of all, I wrote this post already once and then I just went to get my "xoxo Maddie" sign I put in every blogpost and the post was gone. I am pissed.

Third, I don't know what I said in that post. So now this post won't be as good. I'm cursing inside.

So, if you've read my blog for a while you know that I've never been gone for this long. I'm stuck in the worst writer's block I've ever had. I can't even write essays for school. 

I want so much. I want to inspire and I want to change the world. And I'm stuck in this small town in Finland not doing ANYTHING. I don't have any ideas, or then I have ideas and I don't feel like writing. I'm stuck.

My question is: is anyone listening? Or am I writing to a black hole? I see the numbers. "20 people have visited this blog today" but I don't see it. I don't get any comments and I feel like I'm writing into a big black hole. My blogposts just disappear into the world of blogposts. Nothing important here. And I want so much, I want to change the world. And I can't. Because I'm stuck.

I write for myself, but I also write for you. I write to maybe change your view or to make you feel like you're not alone. But then I feel so alone. I feel so empty. 

You see, I actually want to make money out of writing. I love writing, I want to one day write a book or many books. I want to do the things I love, and I wish to make money from that. As horrible as that might sound, I don't want to have 7am-4pm workdays. I want to be my own boss. I want to write for the world and change the world. And I'm stuck. Is anyone listening?

I guess I'm having a crisis. What do I do when I want so much? I don't know where to start. I want to write about important things like feminism, depression and war. I want to write about beauty and fashion. And right now, I'm not doing any of that.

So my question to the few people who read my blog is: what do you enjoy reading about? What do you want me to write about? What are your favorite posts of mine?

Please answer those questions, because again; I am stuck.

(I can however enlighten you and tell you that I'll have a vlog coming your way sometime this week as I met two of my favorite youtubers!)

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*I have since edited this

Spring?

Pictures taken last summer at my grandparents' cottage

Oh Hi!

It seems that everywhere in the world it's now going into spring and the sun is shining and it's warm. And then you step outside in Finland and we currently have half a meter of snow and the roads are slippery as hell.

We're now in that stage here in my town when it's always about 2°C and the roads are super slippery so you have to walk in that awkward way pushing your feet into the ground praying to God you won't slip and end up in the hospital. Needless to say, it's not spring here.

It's also been super windy recently. You check the tempeture and it says 2,5°C so you think "Ah it's warmer outside" and then you have to stand waiting for your parents to pick you up and you realize that it's actually freezing (also you're afraid you'll be swept of your feet and blown into the sky).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just want it to be summer already. I mean spring is my least favorite season because it's just rainy and dirty everywhere when the snow is melting but we need spring for it to become summer. So please God, give us spring. I am tired of this snowy windy coldness.

I also want to apologize for not posting anything for like 2 weeks. I just got an extreme blogging crisis and I wasn't sure what to write about and what I want to write about so I didn't post anything. The writer's block might come back but I'm trying my absolute best to think of things to write about. I'm just not quite sure what I want to have on this blog. I'll figure it out (I hope). Until then, please be patient with me and my random posting days!

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